I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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