Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize