Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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