5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
