so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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