Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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