last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
