Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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