I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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