i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
