I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
