i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize