I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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