And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
