I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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