what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
