I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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