then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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