when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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