Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
