Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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