Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
