Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
