Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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