i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
