if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
