in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
