I cockslap morals
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
