i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
