Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My life is pants optional.
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