We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
