He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
