Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Come on in and take your pants off
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