Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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