There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
