I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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