I bet he comes in French.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
