don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize