you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
