i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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