i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize