plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
