I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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