I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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