I look better un-naked...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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