Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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