Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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