hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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