im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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