Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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