Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize