I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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