I am spending my child support on dildos
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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