I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
