Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
