You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
