I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
