chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize