Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
