you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
