she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
