I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
