...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
