So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
