You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
