I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
