the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
