Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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