i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
