She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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