Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My life is pants optional.
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