bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
