Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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