Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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