Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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