I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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