your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
