best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
