What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
