I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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