Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
