There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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