My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
